What qualities do you most value in your friends?
As some people know, making friends
isn’t easy; you must make an initial investment of time, conversation, and
activity. For the unnaturally sociable, that can be a struggle. While I’ve
tended to be outgoing most of my life, I didn’t decide to adopt that as part of
my personality until I started college. I wanted to avoid the feeling of social
angst and understood that making friends was necessary for my own mental
health. I wouldn’t say that I enjoyed being the center of attention, but I wasn’t
unafraid to either. Overcoming that anxiety of striking up a conversation with
a stranger has been a net positive, resulting in lasting friendships years
later. By investing in that social bank if you will, I’ve been able to maintain
a healthy balance that I can withdraw from time to time.
It's one thing to say you have
friends, but it’s another to spend time with them.1 For me, making
plans with someone and having them realized is something I value. Rearranging
one’s schedule to spend time together when you can do so many other things is a
strong indication that the other party is putting in a similar effort to be
friendly. If someone isn’t willing to
make plans to spend time together, reschedules multiple times, or is non-committal,
then it’s not worth the investment. When we’re spending time together, I value
the depth of conversation and find meaning in discussing a range of topics. It
shows me that my friends have hobbies, goals in life, and aren’t afraid to
follow their passions. I want to be in a setting where I can discuss the positives
and negatives in life and appreciate their contributions to the discussion.
My ideal friend archetype is a
person who is honest and trustworthy; knowing I can share information in
confidence while receiving unfiltered feedback is important to me. I wouldn’t
like to befriend someone who gossips and is more vested in what other people are
doing than their own life goals. I like friends who are active and have
multiple interests; someone who wants to do the same thing is boring to me.
They have interests and are willing to go outside their comfort zone to try new
things. I’ve parted ways with folks who just want to play video games or have a
singular topic they revert to when we chat.
In summary, my ideal friend archetype
is a person who cares about others and is willing to make time for me and my family.
They find joy in life and enjoy learning new things and helping teach others as
well. They are involved in their community, educated, and engaged with the
world around them. These friends can speak their minds and are open and honest with
their critiques. When you miss seeing them for long periods of time, the
friendship picks up where it left off. You find out who your friends are when
they feel the same about you and aren’t afraid to show it.
